Invaluable

I am an invaluable woman because I am God fearing.
I am loyal and trustworthy because I am obedient to HIS will.
I was blessed with wisdom and knowledge because God has allowed me to make my mistakes and learn from them.
I have changed and am learning to stick to my commitments because HE has struck me down and has humbled me over and over through my own actions and encounters.
I am able to find peace because God has taught me patience.
I am able to love and give endlessly because HE sacrificed his only son so that I in return will be able to understand what it means to be broken and torn, and to find grace and mercy through love so pure, to understand that love is unfathomable through HIM and is the purpose for every human on this Earth.

A man/woman without God are like a zombies. Living but no life to breathe. I didn't say go to church now, however it would be good, but find God, you will be surprised to know he has many names and many faces. That's what I mean. Some have wondered how I am who I am. This is your answer.

Awakening

What's it like to be awake? To know that the reality of your humanity is simply to reconnect to the divine. To know that today in the midst of chaos, becoming of a people without a purpose to life, creating a zombie generation who die before they could live, will be awakened. That regardless of your entitlement, your situation, your predicament, your knowledge, that the divine does not discriminate who to awaken. To know that once awakened your entire universe will flip! That you choose your path as the divine has willed to us free will to choose the path of our destiny.
I am a soul in the midst of an awakening that has been unfolding slowly, that the divine has graced me mercy to endure a little at a time enough that I can handle that I might not go mad. To know that we who are taught in our sleep must do as we are taught, fearing not of man but of the divine who giveth and who can taketh away. That mankind does not understand at this moment what is unfathomable but possible that it exists in faith, but what man does not understand they institutionalize, medicate, criticize, and judge before they can understand the awakening of a soul.
What I am not! Of a religious order that restricts, the growth of the spirit that dwells within, or of an organization that chooses to overanalyze and exploit the talents and truth of an awakening, or of a group that seeks to capitalize on the movement of the soul that should awaken other souls to reconnect to the soul being. But where I will walk I will speak my truth.
I am awakening to a world that is seeking. That I should be cursed or blessed altogether with a destiny in fulfilling a journey that is greater than I. Self proclamation is not for me, for the truth seeks to set me free. Thus I walk among those who will say that they are free, but imprison themselves in their own humanity, enslaved by addictions of our human state. I pray that things will get better, that at the same time during the extreme awakening, I will do my best to stay sane enough to carry out my task. Be blessed. A life without love is no life at all.

The Voices they Speak...

In that moment of doing something outside of your comfort zone, and the talking in your head gets deafening. Here you are at the edge and you're ready to take that jump and GO ALL OUT and just do it, but then, "don't do it, it's a bad idea!" "Oh my gosh are you serious?! You're really going to do it!" "NO GUTS NO GLORY!" "go go go go go go go! it's now or never" "yeah sure its now or never watch you get shut down." "oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!!" "why did i get myself into this in the first place?" "what the hell just get it done with" "this is not a good idea, this is so not a good idea" "and we are still walking, i guess this is it, get it over with and then we can just drink to it later." "die now talk later." "we really need this you know that." "crap! just shut up and do it! don't chicken out!" "oh buddy we are starting to shake, abort mission before its too late..." "who will attend my funeral after this" "just think of it this way, what is the worse they can say, yes or no, it's simple." "but what if they say NO!" ".........."

Every sentence overlapping the next, trying it's best to block out the other and all there is that is left is confusion and the need to scream out JUST SHUT UP!! Ah, it's normal. All the voices going on upstairs, yeah, completely normal, unless of course those voices are telling you to kill people. Yeah... Seek some professional guidance for that if anything. I don't know about you but I am plagued with these voices as well. In every single decision made, in every event about to happen, yeah they come with me everywhere and they love to impose on me what is best and what is not. I am still learning to be "selective" with my hearing. We all have voices that talk to us, it's called the conscious. The conscious is not one, its MANY. I am not trying to get psychological with you and I am definitely not going to drop any fancy terms. One thing that I have learned is to listen to the "right voice". It usually is the most soft spoken voice of them all, I call it my true voice. It's that voice that speaks to me in few words but in different volumes and levels. How can you tell the difference you may ask. Simple, through prayer. Maybe in another blog I will elaborate further on prayer.

Can you imagine how many dreams and lives shattered from listening to those intoxicating voices in your head? These voices they speak many languages and come in different tones and volumes. It's like seeing yourself in the mirror but having various different personalities, each conforming to a voice of it's own, telling you or suggesting to you what to do, manipulating every thought into a tone of voice. Which one do you usually listen too? It's ironic, I have always been told to listen to my intuition and/or my conscious. But what I have learned that I would tell people is, "learn to listen to the right voice." That voice that connects your heart to your head, your logic. And then act on it. What good is a choice if you just thought about it and not acted on it. I always get caught in this net. Deterring what I know is right and will work or what could have prevented events or sparked it but didn't do it due to paralysis from fear of being judged.

In conclusion, if you're having this issue of many voices impeding on your actions, trust me you don't need medication for that. All you need is a quiet spot, lots of air, maybe music that is relaxing, and then you breathe, just concentrate on your breathing in and out. It really does help. Everyone is different, so your voices won't always be what others are hearing in their heads. But it's amazing when you find people who have the same aligned vision, it just means that on another level that many don't quite understand, our true voices were already in conversation with each other waiting on the right time to physically meet due to events and situations that had to happen first in order to make the meeting mutual in order for discovery to happen.

On this journey, I am learning and growing still. Learning more about myself and choosing to working on me a lot harder is the key. The door knob is connecting to a higher power and learning how to listen intently and being able to comprehend that message. Together it will open doors. Those voices, they will speak to you. I use them to my advantage, they are like my council, my board members. Each one with something to bring to the table, each one with something to consider. In the end, the last voice to speak, is from the direct connection to God. From there free will through choice is what determines my outcome. It's a goal in progress. So once again, what voices do you listen too? When you talk to one voice or listen to it consistently, eventually it will be the only voice you hear and what ends up happening is you become your voice, your personality and your character conforms to that voice. It's the underline fact of the power of your words. You are who you speak.

Major FAIL status... Soon to be Winning BIG.

So as long as everyone has known me, I have always been somewhat of an entrepreneur before hustling for the wrong reasons. Like writing papers for other people to help them pass a class. Re-selling or as I would call it "recycling" stuff that was given to me. Just to name a few. However, for as long as I have known, I was always in business. More than usual, for the wrong reasons.

Growing up in American Samoa, my dad has never really found the need to be employed after having served in the USAF as part of the flight crew on Air Force One for the Special Air Missions called SAM FOX. After all, I didn't understand why he didn't want to work a job like everyone else insisted he do. But as I grew into my entrepreneurial endeavors, I am actually quite appreciative that he didn't do what everyone expected he do and find a regular job, and I understand fully why he chose to do so. 

Oh! Don't get me wrong, my dad didn't just sit on his ass. He became a taro farmer who planted over thousands of Samoan taro on a whole mountainside in a day, approximately 2acres or more, by himself and assistance when he could get. On his spare time he would go fishing, and by far is the best shoreline fisherman I know of, I haven't seen anyone drag in an 87lbs ulua from the shoreline, or a 50lbs red snapper (true story), or even different species of coral reef shark, with his white long fishing pole. But you know there were some downside aspects of his endeavors that I have personally experienced and learned. First was the orchid business that his friend had him do and had my mom's side do effortlessly with time that was a major fall out because I don't know what happened to the partnership. Probably bad business. Then there was his other business endeavors that didn't fall through. There was a lot of disappointment and drama. But my mom stood by him regardless, spill after spill, crazy endeavor after the next. But that instilled in me that business mind set, that itch for entrepreneurial adventure. When I was in college I was already at war with myself about everything because I was sitting there thinking to myself, why the hell do I have to learn this to work for THAT guy who is making money off of me?!

I had the drive but not enough knowledge to understand actual business concepts and wealth. I didn't even know what true mentorship was. All I knew was that I had a dream and I didn't want to work for anyone for the rest of my life. I kept the dream to myself in fears that people will laugh at me and what not. I shared the dream with my folks after my graduation... Or was it after Andrew graduated?... I forget, but I had it and held on to it. Still am, and moving towards it today. I used to sell bananas in front of my grandmas house, and I was a damned good sells person, always sold the most. My brother Andrew was the only person who topped me that day by selling a bunch banana more than I did, the result, I made him cry. Chee hee! Good ol days when I could actually beat my not so little brother up.

First real entrepreneurial endeavor, Pre Paid Legal, now respectively called Legal Shield. This is how I have my own attorneys who answer to my beckoning call. No joke, protect yourself legally. I give a lot of credit to having joined this, they have started me off on the "personal development" journey. Thank you to the Agnacin's, Mr. Danny Katoa, Mr. Maitinarra, Mr. Setu, and all who were a part of legal shield for the life lessons, wealth principals, and the support. My mind expanded and though life hit me along the way I just couldn't think the same after having started personal development. You know I was the most shiest person ever? If someone talked to me, I felt like I would shrink and die. But thanks to my college buddies, I was already a closet partier, just not comfortable with my new surroundings, they broke those closet doors, I mean literally! And out came the party monster! Haha! Tadah!

Anyhow, next endeavor, Xanga Juice, didn't work out, then Nerium, awesome stuff just didn't have time. You know every time my family would be like. "Oh! Now what is it that you're doing?!" Before I would get mad slam doors, not talk to them, silent treatment, the works I tell you. Now it doesn't bother me at all. All thanks to Klemmers and Associates, Personal Mastery. You know I believe that God does work quietly and mysteriously in our lives. I would have never met Shelly and Kapa Cafe if I hadn't seen my dad fail at his endeavors and keep trying, if I hadn't sold bananas in the front of my grandmas house, if I hadn't joined legal shield to have met awesome people and dragged my brothers, and parents into it, to have done Xanga and quit, to have landed in Nerium out of wanting to get somewhere, and Nerium meeting at Kapa Cafe because 99 cent ranch didn't allow for meetings to be hosted there, then I would have NEVER met Shelly Seleni and Lainee Fagafa who are and have become the biggest inspiration in my life. Shelly has changed my life completely by welcoming me to Klemmers and Associates to change myself and reconnect with God! I am loyal to her cause to the end because she is a woman of vision! She has taught me the meaning of perseverance through her actions and the way she carries herself throughout the trying times and the opposition. Things happen for a reason.

Failing is just a part of life. You will never know if you do not fail. I have written about the Compassionate Samurai by Brian Klemmer in my blog called coffee talk months before attending the Personal Mastery Seminar that Shelly Seleni had introduced me too. I was a major fail, and I am good at it! The only difference is that I learn from them. Some of them costly, and some of them funny, some of them just make me want to bang my head on the wall, and the others well, I just learned to shrug my shoulders and say "ok"... You know on the day I graduated from Chaminade in 2004, I fell asleep in the ceremony until we had to stand up and turn our thingy to the other side? Yeah, and my dad said on that day that he was going down to the bar to get drunk because I graduated. LOL! It was funny to me because my dad doesn't drink, but it was his way of saying, OH MY GOSH! MY DAUGHTER GRADUATED! Anyhow, I then continued school to find a job that I thought I wanted only to quit school entirely when the professor said, "this is what makes the best employees!" Like really man! It hit me then, I just threw away $10,000 in student loans because of that one phrase. Yes it is a little arrogant but hey, I didn't go to school to be an employee, I went to school because my parents wanted me to graduate with a degree. I went because I am obedient to them because they gave me life. They deserve that happiness. I am grateful that I did because I met amazing friends that I hold dear to my life to this day! 

Anyways, my endeavors continue and trust it is not easy. But I am working on myself a lot harder than anything and will continue on to Advanced Personal Mastery and then on wards. I am pursuing a new endeavor that I am going to ROCK OUT! Body by vi. And our event with Shelly and Lainee called KAVA SPEAKS will see itself in newer endeavors and deeper waters reconnecting our history and our identity to our modern society. And I have promised that this is my commitment to God that I will do YOUTH MINISTRIES for his glory. And I will do it unlike any other the Catholic Church has ever seen! I dare to say these things because I will do them. And fail I must until I get it right. As Vincent Molina has said in one of his workshop trainings, "PLANS ARE FLAWED, IDEAS ARE PERFECT". 

Like one time not too long ago I was standing under a tree at Kapa Cafe and a bird pooped on me, landed on my shoulder (whew thank goodness). This is what I would have done had I not worked on me, I would've looked up and started swearing with my fists in the air at the bird. Turn around and look for rocks to throw the bird with, or probably take off my shoe and throw it at the bird. Get all huffy puffy and the whole day is ruined. Instead, I looked up, thought to myself "Ha! I got shit on! Oh well shit happens." Shrugged my shoulder and continued to smoke my cigarette, posted it on face book and then after I was done ran into the shop and washed it off. No harm done, no bird was hurt, and no high blood pressure. All thanks to personal development.

So fail and fail and fail and fail, laugh at it, and fail and fail, and learn to get it right, and fail and fail and fail and don't be afraid to fail! The meaning of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different outcome. The definition of crazy is doing the unthinkable and getting an outcome that you probably never expected and doing it all over again just ten times more bigger than the last one! That is why my family nicknames me CRAZY. It's the reason my brother put that as his license plate "UCRAZY". Because the story is, I would do things that completely baffles people and makes them scratch their po'o's (head) and my brother consistently saying while shaking his head "Man! You so CRAZY! Just CRAZY, CRAZY, CRAZY!" and all I have to say to him is, "SO! At least I know I'm doing something huh?! How about you? I rather be crazy and do something. Punch yo face!" (that's an inside joke, I really didn't say it to punch his face. It's a way Samoan siblings thank each other. LOL in sarcasm.)

And so my dear friends I end my story here with failure. That I know, a lot of people will just like this on my facebook when I post it and not read it... But that's ok. 

Speak.

Speak when the words that come out of your mouth will give life.
Speak when the words that come out of your mouth will stand up for justice.
Speak when the words that come out of your mouth will express your actions of gratitude and love.
Speak when the words that come out of your mouth will mend a broken heart and dry tears.
Speak when the words that come out of your mouth will have positive weight.
Speak when the words that come out of your mouth will be HIS divine words.
Speak when the words that come out of your mouth will not be ashamed to proclaim that HE is God.
Speak when the words that come out of your mouth will strengthen a family.
Speak when the words that come out of your mouth will feed the soul with life.
Speak when the words that come out of your mouth will BUILD A NATION
Speak when the words that come out of your mouth will FEED THE HUNGRY
Speak when the words that come out of your mouth will CHANGE FOR THE BETTER
SPEAK BECAUSE IT IS RIGHT.
WHEN YOU SPEAK, MAKE SURE THAT YOU ARE SPEAKING NOT ON YOUR TERMS BUT ON HIS TERMS, FOR A PURPOSE THAT IS FAR GREATER THAN YOU! SPEAK LIFE AND ONLY LIFE. For the words that HE spoke, breathed life into this world.