In my culture, we give the highest respect to our elders because they have paved the road in life for us, the young and new generation to carry on "legacy". Not just anyone's legacy, but our legacy, the legacy of our families and that of our mother land. It's heart breaking to know that many young adults and adolescents of today do not give their elders the respect that they deserve let alone take the time to get to know them and or listen to what they have to say. It's an alarming matter to know and realize when all the elders are passing on, taking with them the key to our identity for the future. Why? Because this new generation is not caring enough to spend a little bit of time to ask. I have noticed that the elders will only share to those who ask, simply because they don't want to waste any more time chasing people to sit down and learn. They don't want deep words to fall on deaf ears!
Did they not earn their place in this life that they do not deserve your attention or your ears? I can't help but to grit my teeth and bite my tongue when I hear a young individual disrespecting their grandparents. The questions that I hit them with is "What do you know that your elders don't already know? What do you know of them to judge them and publicly humiliate them the way you do? And of what time do you deserve to spend with them if this is how you are going to treat your elders?"
What I have today, my skills, my talents, my blessings, all that I have were granted to me by God through my elders. Through their blessings and their prayers. How could I know God without my grandparents and my parents to show me the way to know and communicate with him, how could I know to be respectful and mindful of people without my elders, or even how could I have known anything without their knowledge? I learned a great deal of my culture from my Aunts and Uncles who have passed away. They did their due diligence in life and I was blessed to have the opportunity to have asked them, to have been able to communicate with them and also listen to their stories and their wise advice.
People ask me how I came to be how I am. All I tell them is that I listened very intently to my elders and I took their advice and applied them. Some advice I didn't understand until the situation happened to me, but what they were saying to me all along was truth. They were not psychics, maybe some of them were in tune with their sixth sense, but its all about what they endured in their time. Their time, our time, there is no difference when it comes to the matter of human socialization and interaction.
My grandma and my grandpa's nieces are women of such empowering ideals and ethics that they stood their ground in what they believed in for the honor of family name and for our family in general. This is why my mom's side of the family is women dominated. We lived by a code and we had standards to uphold as a clan due to our responsibilities. And this is what sets us aside from the rest. And from them I learned, you are never a leader if you cannot serve and you will never have anything until you learn to honor God by honoring your elders. "Servant Leadership" is the ethics in which my grandfather followed and taught all of us grandchildren.
I value elderly advice as if it were gold. I hold what they have to say to me in high regards because I know that they have been there and they have done seen it all. I would be stupid to not listen. The stories of our history is going with them to the grave. But no one seems alarmed, and when they pass on, everyone shows up to pay their respects and to gain pity me attention because of their relation. Shame on all of you who do that and didn't even once spend time to get to know your elders! We are entering a time of no guilt and pity me days. We are losing our grip with our truth being immersed in our egos, our fake selves. If your elders don't fit in your schedule, then where does God fit? Just something to think about.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Humor Me Mr. Police Officer!
All hail to you safe drivers and obedient citizens! I can say that I've had my fair share of driving screw ups out of arrogance, ignorance, and just plain stupidity. Well... Still having them. Hey, life is a learning process. When it comes down to driving, I can be a little bit of a speed devil, but a few tickets later, I can honestly tell you that I had to cut that bad attitude out really quick because it just meant more money out of my pockets into Uncle Sam's hands. At one point, my whole 2 weeks earned paycheck went to court fees and fines with the threat of having my license revoked and getting thrown into jail for 30 days. Oh! not to mention my vehicle insurance that increased over night because of the tickets. Imagine paying almost over $280.00 every month for insurance. Right?! All because I just couldn't follow simple rules. Now if that didn't scare me, I can tell you what did. The fact of sitting in a jail cell for 30 days with another woman who is probably predominately ten times bigger than myself. Now if you were me, you would notice that my thoughts can play a really huge part of my every day living in a sense that, the idea of a woman in general in the jail cell with me for 30 days would reek the word "rape" and "personal violation". So that in a sense was very real to me.
As you may have read in my previous blog, and probably even heard the story of my lawsuit with my car accident, you may be putting together that I am not the luckiest person to be with on the road, as I thought that I was cursed for driving. Oh! The remedies I thought about at one point, just so that I can a get break from getting ticketed, pulled over, talked to by authority about my driving, or something that had to do with my vehicle. I was desperate at that point and didn't want to attract no more negativity towards my vehicle. Today, I know that I attracted all of that to myself, the negative energy since my car accident. The remedy was as simple as you can think, all it took was a change in mindset and reversing the attraction of negative situations to positive ones. Simpler said than done right? You are absolutely right! But it takes practice and what else can you loose other than time?
Anyhow, a former co-worker offered some remedies to repel the negative energy by first asking me if I had sex in my vehicle at any given time. And the answer to that was a yes. And the remedy was to urinate on all the tires. How is that biologically and physically possible for a woman to urinate on their tires without urinating in a bottle or container of some sort? Then again, it was a male giving me the remedy and he apparently didn't give that a second thought. So then the superstition of having sex in your vehicle is legitimate to some people as I have heard countless recollections of stories from different people on what had happened to them and their vehicles a few days or months after having sex in their vehicles. Not the fact that it was all based on arrogance, ignorance, plain stupidity, or chance, but by the fact that they had sex in their vehicle. Anything to put a blame on something other than ourselves right?
So, I've been pretty good about not having sex in my vehicle since then and therefore did not receive any tickets this year... Until today... But that doesn't mean I had sex in my vehicle. I was being sarcastic in that first sentence. Just in case you didn't get the sarcasm. And there I was today, rushing to my 4:00pm appointment in Kapolei with a client. I was driving West bound in traffic on H1 in the HOV lane texting my friend who was on vacation in Maryland at about 3:35pm. I wasn't paying attention to anything and forgot the fact that I was on the HOV lane with my phone in front of my face. As I continued on, my instincts spoke to me saying, "turn your head and look out the window!". So I turn to the right and there he was, 2 lanes over on the shoulder lane looking straight at me with my phone up and in front of my face. I panicked and opened my right hand to let the phone drop to the floor as I kicked it under my seat, as if the police officer didn't already see it. He swung his motorcycle smoothly behind my vehicle and there goes the blue lights! The sirens blare at me as he points out waving me to pull over to the shoulder lane. I pull over and park, traffic busy as ever, I'm running late for my appointment, and here I was sitting in my truck with a big smile on my face as I replayed the fact that I dropped the phone when I saw the officer looking at me. The police walks up to my truck and the first thing he says is "You should have seen your face! You think I didn't see you texting?" he says as he starts to laugh. Then the whole license and registration ordeal and there went another booboo! My insurance card expired, new card was left in my desk at work after running copies for my milage.
Then again I start laughing while he asks, "What's so funny? I'm writing you up and you find it funny." I reassured the officer that I wasn't messing with him, just the whole ordeal with the phone when I got caught. He started to chuckle as he went back to his bike with my license. I got on the phone and called my job to let them know that I am running late to meet my client because I got pulled over and the secretary says, "again?!" I replied hung up and thought about it, what the hell did she mean by "again?!"... The officer walks back by that time with the ticket in his hand and he says, "Two of three things I'm citing you for. 1. You were driving on a HOV lane with only yourself. You must've had an imaginary friend with you. If you do please let me know now. But actually that's too late because I already wrote the ticket. 2. You were on your phone texting. And you got busted and decided to drop the phone as if I wasn't looking when I was already looking right at you for a good 50 seconds. AND last, this I'm letting you go on because your insurance just expired by a few days so I am letting you off on that one." I look intently at him and I say "Sir, yes. I have an imaginary friend called stupidity who was telling me to keep texting my friend. And yes, I dropped the phone when I saw you because your presence was overwhelming. But actually I thought I could get away with it pretending that you didn't see that. But then again you already wrote the ticket so I already knew that me telling you that I have an actual imaginary friend and that you basically startled me wouldn't do me any good. So thank you for this lovely ticket! I have learned my lesson, so I guess school is out for today!". I start to giggle as the officer replied back, "Oh! You have a class session at the Ewa District Court on this date. Make sure you do your homework and bring it in for your fine k and you should turn your imaginary friend in or have em pay for the ticket k. You drive safe now."
He laughs and walks away, and there I was thinking to myself, what a freaking sarcastic idiot! But oh well! I got a kick out of that and getting a ticket wasn't that painful until I looked at my court date and the fine. Lesson learned. Anyhow, years ago, I used to be non-compliant with officers because I was a wise crack, but now, I am changing and accepting responsibility for my actions. I just had to laugh about it to make it bearable. That and I had a good laugh.
As you may have read in my previous blog, and probably even heard the story of my lawsuit with my car accident, you may be putting together that I am not the luckiest person to be with on the road, as I thought that I was cursed for driving. Oh! The remedies I thought about at one point, just so that I can a get break from getting ticketed, pulled over, talked to by authority about my driving, or something that had to do with my vehicle. I was desperate at that point and didn't want to attract no more negativity towards my vehicle. Today, I know that I attracted all of that to myself, the negative energy since my car accident. The remedy was as simple as you can think, all it took was a change in mindset and reversing the attraction of negative situations to positive ones. Simpler said than done right? You are absolutely right! But it takes practice and what else can you loose other than time?
Anyhow, a former co-worker offered some remedies to repel the negative energy by first asking me if I had sex in my vehicle at any given time. And the answer to that was a yes. And the remedy was to urinate on all the tires. How is that biologically and physically possible for a woman to urinate on their tires without urinating in a bottle or container of some sort? Then again, it was a male giving me the remedy and he apparently didn't give that a second thought. So then the superstition of having sex in your vehicle is legitimate to some people as I have heard countless recollections of stories from different people on what had happened to them and their vehicles a few days or months after having sex in their vehicles. Not the fact that it was all based on arrogance, ignorance, plain stupidity, or chance, but by the fact that they had sex in their vehicle. Anything to put a blame on something other than ourselves right?
So, I've been pretty good about not having sex in my vehicle since then and therefore did not receive any tickets this year... Until today... But that doesn't mean I had sex in my vehicle. I was being sarcastic in that first sentence. Just in case you didn't get the sarcasm. And there I was today, rushing to my 4:00pm appointment in Kapolei with a client. I was driving West bound in traffic on H1 in the HOV lane texting my friend who was on vacation in Maryland at about 3:35pm. I wasn't paying attention to anything and forgot the fact that I was on the HOV lane with my phone in front of my face. As I continued on, my instincts spoke to me saying, "turn your head and look out the window!". So I turn to the right and there he was, 2 lanes over on the shoulder lane looking straight at me with my phone up and in front of my face. I panicked and opened my right hand to let the phone drop to the floor as I kicked it under my seat, as if the police officer didn't already see it. He swung his motorcycle smoothly behind my vehicle and there goes the blue lights! The sirens blare at me as he points out waving me to pull over to the shoulder lane. I pull over and park, traffic busy as ever, I'm running late for my appointment, and here I was sitting in my truck with a big smile on my face as I replayed the fact that I dropped the phone when I saw the officer looking at me. The police walks up to my truck and the first thing he says is "You should have seen your face! You think I didn't see you texting?" he says as he starts to laugh. Then the whole license and registration ordeal and there went another booboo! My insurance card expired, new card was left in my desk at work after running copies for my milage.
Then again I start laughing while he asks, "What's so funny? I'm writing you up and you find it funny." I reassured the officer that I wasn't messing with him, just the whole ordeal with the phone when I got caught. He started to chuckle as he went back to his bike with my license. I got on the phone and called my job to let them know that I am running late to meet my client because I got pulled over and the secretary says, "again?!" I replied hung up and thought about it, what the hell did she mean by "again?!"... The officer walks back by that time with the ticket in his hand and he says, "Two of three things I'm citing you for. 1. You were driving on a HOV lane with only yourself. You must've had an imaginary friend with you. If you do please let me know now. But actually that's too late because I already wrote the ticket. 2. You were on your phone texting. And you got busted and decided to drop the phone as if I wasn't looking when I was already looking right at you for a good 50 seconds. AND last, this I'm letting you go on because your insurance just expired by a few days so I am letting you off on that one." I look intently at him and I say "Sir, yes. I have an imaginary friend called stupidity who was telling me to keep texting my friend. And yes, I dropped the phone when I saw you because your presence was overwhelming. But actually I thought I could get away with it pretending that you didn't see that. But then again you already wrote the ticket so I already knew that me telling you that I have an actual imaginary friend and that you basically startled me wouldn't do me any good. So thank you for this lovely ticket! I have learned my lesson, so I guess school is out for today!". I start to giggle as the officer replied back, "Oh! You have a class session at the Ewa District Court on this date. Make sure you do your homework and bring it in for your fine k and you should turn your imaginary friend in or have em pay for the ticket k. You drive safe now."
He laughs and walks away, and there I was thinking to myself, what a freaking sarcastic idiot! But oh well! I got a kick out of that and getting a ticket wasn't that painful until I looked at my court date and the fine. Lesson learned. Anyhow, years ago, I used to be non-compliant with officers because I was a wise crack, but now, I am changing and accepting responsibility for my actions. I just had to laugh about it to make it bearable. That and I had a good laugh.
Friday, September 9, 2011
My PD Booklist
What's all this personal development stuff about anyway, some of you may ask?
It's a journey of wellness and enhancement. It is considered the whole wellbeing of your soul, body, and your mind, in however order you would like to be. It is total satisfaction and self achievement. Basically it's not something you can buy at the store or get from someone else through word of mouth. It's a course of a lifetime of learning. It's something that our education system is "lacking". It teaches wealth principles, it gives you the soul filling stuff, the why you should be healthy inside and out.
Anyhow, that's a topic for another time, but here are the books that I am reading that are my favorites in personal development. Most likely the books I've read more than once.
1. The Secret; Rhonda Bines
I don't really care what you think about this book, this book is worth more than GOLD. I think I may need to buy a new one because the one I have is all scribbled on, pages are almost worn... I also downloaded the dvd. Wisdom is by far more than any riches that you may possibly endure. However, everything that you need to set you off on the right path is here in this book. Your brain is a powerful thing. I don't have any words to justify this book. If you don't understand it then I think you need to re-evaluate yourself and take an assessment on your priorities. Those who are ready to know the truth will understand it and accept it, and the truth will be hidden to those who are not ready. You have to be hungry enough to want and need to change in order for you to understand this book. This book is useless if its read for leisure.
2. Secrets of the Millionaire Mind; T. Harv Eker
You trying to get out of debt? Pick this book up, so far it's helped me change my mindset about money and also helped me eliminate most of my horrific outstanding debt. I am now currently in rebuilding my credit status thanks to this book.
3. The Compassionate Samurai; Brian Klemmer
Ok so this is my ultimate "personal development coach". You want to know what kicked most of my bad habits? This book. My weight loss is currently underway because of this book. I love how Brian Klemmer uses Christian based theories infusing them into real life situations to help me relate to my life. It has also given me a new found appreciation for the honor and codes of a Samurai warrior.
4. The Millionaire Next Door; Stanley/Danko
Did you know that it's not true what they say about the wealthy? And that rich and wealthy are two absolutely different things? Coming out from poverty and middle class, my mindset was as such that everyone that I knew didn't like wealthy people for no apparent reason other than the fact that they were... well... wealthy. No one cared to read a biography of what they did to get to where they are, or even cared to ask what they went through, or maybe even the fact that they established so many charities and organizations to help the less fortunate. Well, I was recommended this book to take a closer look at some of the lives of "wealthy" individuals and their families. I study it carefully to understand mannerisms, and also to change my ideas that were instilled in me at such a young age about wealthy people. Ok so what's the difference? I learned from a wealth mentor of mine that the rich can still count their money and wealthy can no longer count their money. Pretty cool huh? Too bad they don't teach wealth principles in schools and are taking God out of the classrooms. Just wanted to add my punchline...
5. If You THINK you CAN!; TJ Hoisington
I have had the privilege and honor of meeting with the author of this book which was endorsed by Harland C. Stonecipher and Pre Paid Legal, a membership that I believe everyone should have. You are probably wondering how I have lawyers, well, here is your answer. If you want to know more just let me know, I would love to sit and tell you more about how you can get your own lawyers. Anyhow this book is an amazing motivator. For all of you that think that you can't, did you know that your mind is the most powerful organ in your body? What you think and put out is what you're going to receive back given the amount of action you put into it. If you don't get it then I suggest you pick up book suggestion number 1.
Ok so these are my top 5 and that is all I am going to share with you. If you don't like to read, there are audios, but reading will help your reading comprehension skills and your understanding. Just saying. I am a big supporter of education. I am not wealthy in possessions yet, my wealth in my knowledge is compiling and building. My mind has to match my income, you know what I mean. Thus lottery winners going broke after a while. So please share some books with me if you don't mind. Any book that you would consider as great personal development reads, I am always open for new ideas. Now some books are hard reads but they all say the same thing and have a common goal. These authors want to help you become wealthy. Now the question to ask yourself is, "why?". That answer I will leave for you to find. Can't expect to get everything handed to you on a silver platter, you have to work for it.
I am a reader, and I am applying as I go along. It's a process and not an overnight deal. Rome was not built in a day and neither was the pyramids, however a lot of people still like to sail their ship on the that river called "da nile"... Haha! My first step was actually taking ownership and responsibility for all my actions and quitting the blame game.
Once again, thank you for taking the time to read! Be blessed in all your endeavors, and may they be beneficial and not disastrous.
It's a journey of wellness and enhancement. It is considered the whole wellbeing of your soul, body, and your mind, in however order you would like to be. It is total satisfaction and self achievement. Basically it's not something you can buy at the store or get from someone else through word of mouth. It's a course of a lifetime of learning. It's something that our education system is "lacking". It teaches wealth principles, it gives you the soul filling stuff, the why you should be healthy inside and out.
Anyhow, that's a topic for another time, but here are the books that I am reading that are my favorites in personal development. Most likely the books I've read more than once.
1. The Secret; Rhonda Bines
I don't really care what you think about this book, this book is worth more than GOLD. I think I may need to buy a new one because the one I have is all scribbled on, pages are almost worn... I also downloaded the dvd. Wisdom is by far more than any riches that you may possibly endure. However, everything that you need to set you off on the right path is here in this book. Your brain is a powerful thing. I don't have any words to justify this book. If you don't understand it then I think you need to re-evaluate yourself and take an assessment on your priorities. Those who are ready to know the truth will understand it and accept it, and the truth will be hidden to those who are not ready. You have to be hungry enough to want and need to change in order for you to understand this book. This book is useless if its read for leisure.
2. Secrets of the Millionaire Mind; T. Harv Eker
You trying to get out of debt? Pick this book up, so far it's helped me change my mindset about money and also helped me eliminate most of my horrific outstanding debt. I am now currently in rebuilding my credit status thanks to this book.
3. The Compassionate Samurai; Brian Klemmer
Ok so this is my ultimate "personal development coach". You want to know what kicked most of my bad habits? This book. My weight loss is currently underway because of this book. I love how Brian Klemmer uses Christian based theories infusing them into real life situations to help me relate to my life. It has also given me a new found appreciation for the honor and codes of a Samurai warrior.
4. The Millionaire Next Door; Stanley/Danko
Did you know that it's not true what they say about the wealthy? And that rich and wealthy are two absolutely different things? Coming out from poverty and middle class, my mindset was as such that everyone that I knew didn't like wealthy people for no apparent reason other than the fact that they were... well... wealthy. No one cared to read a biography of what they did to get to where they are, or even cared to ask what they went through, or maybe even the fact that they established so many charities and organizations to help the less fortunate. Well, I was recommended this book to take a closer look at some of the lives of "wealthy" individuals and their families. I study it carefully to understand mannerisms, and also to change my ideas that were instilled in me at such a young age about wealthy people. Ok so what's the difference? I learned from a wealth mentor of mine that the rich can still count their money and wealthy can no longer count their money. Pretty cool huh? Too bad they don't teach wealth principles in schools and are taking God out of the classrooms. Just wanted to add my punchline...
5. If You THINK you CAN!; TJ Hoisington
I have had the privilege and honor of meeting with the author of this book which was endorsed by Harland C. Stonecipher and Pre Paid Legal, a membership that I believe everyone should have. You are probably wondering how I have lawyers, well, here is your answer. If you want to know more just let me know, I would love to sit and tell you more about how you can get your own lawyers. Anyhow this book is an amazing motivator. For all of you that think that you can't, did you know that your mind is the most powerful organ in your body? What you think and put out is what you're going to receive back given the amount of action you put into it. If you don't get it then I suggest you pick up book suggestion number 1.
Ok so these are my top 5 and that is all I am going to share with you. If you don't like to read, there are audios, but reading will help your reading comprehension skills and your understanding. Just saying. I am a big supporter of education. I am not wealthy in possessions yet, my wealth in my knowledge is compiling and building. My mind has to match my income, you know what I mean. Thus lottery winners going broke after a while. So please share some books with me if you don't mind. Any book that you would consider as great personal development reads, I am always open for new ideas. Now some books are hard reads but they all say the same thing and have a common goal. These authors want to help you become wealthy. Now the question to ask yourself is, "why?". That answer I will leave for you to find. Can't expect to get everything handed to you on a silver platter, you have to work for it.
I am a reader, and I am applying as I go along. It's a process and not an overnight deal. Rome was not built in a day and neither was the pyramids, however a lot of people still like to sail their ship on the that river called "da nile"... Haha! My first step was actually taking ownership and responsibility for all my actions and quitting the blame game.
Once again, thank you for taking the time to read! Be blessed in all your endeavors, and may they be beneficial and not disastrous.
Monday, September 5, 2011
You got served!
My life began when I born into this world... Well, lets cut all that crap and get straight into it. Not that my mother giving life to me was crap or anything. You'll get the picture, if not it will probably hit you on the way out.
So, some years ago I was in a serious relationship that didn't go quite as planned. There was the years of commitment (Ergh! Makes me shiver just typing that word out!), the endless minutes spent together, the lovey dovey moments, the future plans and dreams, and my gosh, the amount of money spent! Now if you really get to know who I am as a person, those things I just mentioned are not really my bunch of bananas. But yes, I was in love for the first time in my entire life. Love makes you do crazy things, pushes you to go out of your comfort zone, do things you never thought you would ever do, like grovel, beg, cry, go psychotic... Just saying.
Just when I thought things were going ok, one particular event made the relationship feel like floating logs in the toilet getting flushed, then getting stuck, clogging up, and causing overflow. Yes, that is what it felt like. Bad thing about it was that I didn't buy a mop to mop up the mess so I was screwed! What did I do? Hello! Used towels, couldn't leave all the crap chillin on the floor like a bunch of fat Poly guys basking in the sun. Wait, are we talking about the overflowing toilet or my life. Ah, back to my life.
I had this sports car that I bought once I got out of college, never thought I'd ever do that but I did because my ex didn't like catching the bus. Anyhow it was a second hand sports car, good enough for me at least, so the car was with me for a while, and oh! so was my ex! Haha, my ex and my sports car were with me for about the same time period, just a few months apart, how ironic... So here I was, at a period in my life where I thought I had it all, thinking to myself, I am content with this life. One morning my ex and I awake to go to church and get into this car accident that totaled my vehicle and sent both of us to the ER in an ambulance. So now I'm thinking to myself, looking up at the ambulance ceiling, great! Can anything else go wrong? Should have never thought it, because everything you can think of went wrong.
I was released from the ER, just a little whipped lashed, and my ex a day later and flew home. Then came the text that changed it all. The rip my heart out text. It lead to excessive drinking, crying, and violent outbursts. I had two jobs then and it was hard trying to keep it all together when the love of my life just broke up with me through text message. I am not proud of this moment but yes, I did the message bombs, the angry phone calls, the isolation, the poker face attitude in public, crying myself to sleep, and the various packs of cigarettes in a day. Oh not to mention the wall punching. I lost it once when my ex calls me to say "I miss you but I can't do this" right after I found out I got serviced some papers for a $50,000 law suit for the accident, just felt the need to hit something so I swung at the cement wall breaking my wrist. I was already crying from anger at the letter and the embarrassment of it being served to my aunties instead of me, and once my hand hit the wall, I jumped back and started sobbing more because of the pain that jolted through my arm. And there I stood, holding my left hand, crying as I started slinging profanity at the wall for breaking my hand. Everything from that point became everyone's fault but my own. 3 years of bitterness, can you imagine? However the best things in life came out of this event that I never thought would have been possible.
Ok, so I got served. At that time it was the worst time of my life, but today I see it as the best thing that has ever happened to me. I never sought out help for myself, didn't plan on talking with a shrink because I've done a lot of that to cope with my past and to stay out of a court ordered rehabilitation center. Anyhow that lead to opportunities dropping right into my lap because of the situation it put me through. A legal opportunity came about with a business endeavor attachment that I pursued which in return sparked the whole "Personal Develoment" journey. This was the beginning of the changes that started to occur and are still happening for the best in my life and the wonderful people I meet and am currently meeting.
So though I never got the chance to thank my ex for this almost missed opportunity, I can say with all honesty and truth with no hints of bitterness that I am grateful to have met and been with you. Your time with me was an amazing time, regardless of the bad events that happened between us. You've actually kept your end of the bargain in making sure that I was happy, and even though I didn't see it then, I feel it now. And I wish nothing but the best for you, where ever you are. Without you, I wouldn't be who I am today. Absolutely no sarcasm intended here.
Yes, I look behind me every now and then to remember what I went through to have gotten here. And I crack myself up at the major melt downs I had over the break up. That was all me not in the right frame of mind. One in particular that I dragged my brothers into that I wish I could take back, but it's been done, and I realize that I will never want to wish any person ill or drag my brothers into anything that would bring harm on them or anyone else. Lastly I thank God for giving me this wake up call, I've been humbled and I've been served on a golden platter with a serving of an entree that I was not fond of but was good for my soul and my mind.
You get out of life, what you put into it. And there is always a reason for things happening the way they do. What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger, and this is absolutely not cliche but truth. I got served! And this was the beginning of my journey.
So, some years ago I was in a serious relationship that didn't go quite as planned. There was the years of commitment (Ergh! Makes me shiver just typing that word out!), the endless minutes spent together, the lovey dovey moments, the future plans and dreams, and my gosh, the amount of money spent! Now if you really get to know who I am as a person, those things I just mentioned are not really my bunch of bananas. But yes, I was in love for the first time in my entire life. Love makes you do crazy things, pushes you to go out of your comfort zone, do things you never thought you would ever do, like grovel, beg, cry, go psychotic... Just saying.
Just when I thought things were going ok, one particular event made the relationship feel like floating logs in the toilet getting flushed, then getting stuck, clogging up, and causing overflow. Yes, that is what it felt like. Bad thing about it was that I didn't buy a mop to mop up the mess so I was screwed! What did I do? Hello! Used towels, couldn't leave all the crap chillin on the floor like a bunch of fat Poly guys basking in the sun. Wait, are we talking about the overflowing toilet or my life. Ah, back to my life.
I had this sports car that I bought once I got out of college, never thought I'd ever do that but I did because my ex didn't like catching the bus. Anyhow it was a second hand sports car, good enough for me at least, so the car was with me for a while, and oh! so was my ex! Haha, my ex and my sports car were with me for about the same time period, just a few months apart, how ironic... So here I was, at a period in my life where I thought I had it all, thinking to myself, I am content with this life. One morning my ex and I awake to go to church and get into this car accident that totaled my vehicle and sent both of us to the ER in an ambulance. So now I'm thinking to myself, looking up at the ambulance ceiling, great! Can anything else go wrong? Should have never thought it, because everything you can think of went wrong.
I was released from the ER, just a little whipped lashed, and my ex a day later and flew home. Then came the text that changed it all. The rip my heart out text. It lead to excessive drinking, crying, and violent outbursts. I had two jobs then and it was hard trying to keep it all together when the love of my life just broke up with me through text message. I am not proud of this moment but yes, I did the message bombs, the angry phone calls, the isolation, the poker face attitude in public, crying myself to sleep, and the various packs of cigarettes in a day. Oh not to mention the wall punching. I lost it once when my ex calls me to say "I miss you but I can't do this" right after I found out I got serviced some papers for a $50,000 law suit for the accident, just felt the need to hit something so I swung at the cement wall breaking my wrist. I was already crying from anger at the letter and the embarrassment of it being served to my aunties instead of me, and once my hand hit the wall, I jumped back and started sobbing more because of the pain that jolted through my arm. And there I stood, holding my left hand, crying as I started slinging profanity at the wall for breaking my hand. Everything from that point became everyone's fault but my own. 3 years of bitterness, can you imagine? However the best things in life came out of this event that I never thought would have been possible.
Ok, so I got served. At that time it was the worst time of my life, but today I see it as the best thing that has ever happened to me. I never sought out help for myself, didn't plan on talking with a shrink because I've done a lot of that to cope with my past and to stay out of a court ordered rehabilitation center. Anyhow that lead to opportunities dropping right into my lap because of the situation it put me through. A legal opportunity came about with a business endeavor attachment that I pursued which in return sparked the whole "Personal Develoment" journey. This was the beginning of the changes that started to occur and are still happening for the best in my life and the wonderful people I meet and am currently meeting.
So though I never got the chance to thank my ex for this almost missed opportunity, I can say with all honesty and truth with no hints of bitterness that I am grateful to have met and been with you. Your time with me was an amazing time, regardless of the bad events that happened between us. You've actually kept your end of the bargain in making sure that I was happy, and even though I didn't see it then, I feel it now. And I wish nothing but the best for you, where ever you are. Without you, I wouldn't be who I am today. Absolutely no sarcasm intended here.
Yes, I look behind me every now and then to remember what I went through to have gotten here. And I crack myself up at the major melt downs I had over the break up. That was all me not in the right frame of mind. One in particular that I dragged my brothers into that I wish I could take back, but it's been done, and I realize that I will never want to wish any person ill or drag my brothers into anything that would bring harm on them or anyone else. Lastly I thank God for giving me this wake up call, I've been humbled and I've been served on a golden platter with a serving of an entree that I was not fond of but was good for my soul and my mind.
You get out of life, what you put into it. And there is always a reason for things happening the way they do. What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger, and this is absolutely not cliche but truth. I got served! And this was the beginning of my journey.
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