My life began when I born into this world... Well, lets cut all that crap and get straight into it. Not that my mother giving life to me was crap or anything. You'll get the picture, if not it will probably hit you on the way out.
So, some years ago I was in a serious relationship that didn't go quite as planned. There was the years of commitment (Ergh! Makes me shiver just typing that word out!), the endless minutes spent together, the lovey dovey moments, the future plans and dreams, and my gosh, the amount of money spent! Now if you really get to know who I am as a person, those things I just mentioned are not really my bunch of bananas. But yes, I was in love for the first time in my entire life. Love makes you do crazy things, pushes you to go out of your comfort zone, do things you never thought you would ever do, like grovel, beg, cry, go psychotic... Just saying.
Just when I thought things were going ok, one particular event made the relationship feel like floating logs in the toilet getting flushed, then getting stuck, clogging up, and causing overflow. Yes, that is what it felt like. Bad thing about it was that I didn't buy a mop to mop up the mess so I was screwed! What did I do? Hello! Used towels, couldn't leave all the crap chillin on the floor like a bunch of fat Poly guys basking in the sun. Wait, are we talking about the overflowing toilet or my life. Ah, back to my life.
I had this sports car that I bought once I got out of college, never thought I'd ever do that but I did because my ex didn't like catching the bus. Anyhow it was a second hand sports car, good enough for me at least, so the car was with me for a while, and oh! so was my ex! Haha, my ex and my sports car were with me for about the same time period, just a few months apart, how ironic... So here I was, at a period in my life where I thought I had it all, thinking to myself, I am content with this life. One morning my ex and I awake to go to church and get into this car accident that totaled my vehicle and sent both of us to the ER in an ambulance. So now I'm thinking to myself, looking up at the ambulance ceiling, great! Can anything else go wrong? Should have never thought it, because everything you can think of went wrong.
I was released from the ER, just a little whipped lashed, and my ex a day later and flew home. Then came the text that changed it all. The rip my heart out text. It lead to excessive drinking, crying, and violent outbursts. I had two jobs then and it was hard trying to keep it all together when the love of my life just broke up with me through text message. I am not proud of this moment but yes, I did the message bombs, the angry phone calls, the isolation, the poker face attitude in public, crying myself to sleep, and the various packs of cigarettes in a day. Oh not to mention the wall punching. I lost it once when my ex calls me to say "I miss you but I can't do this" right after I found out I got serviced some papers for a $50,000 law suit for the accident, just felt the need to hit something so I swung at the cement wall breaking my wrist. I was already crying from anger at the letter and the embarrassment of it being served to my aunties instead of me, and once my hand hit the wall, I jumped back and started sobbing more because of the pain that jolted through my arm. And there I stood, holding my left hand, crying as I started slinging profanity at the wall for breaking my hand. Everything from that point became everyone's fault but my own. 3 years of bitterness, can you imagine? However the best things in life came out of this event that I never thought would have been possible.
Ok, so I got served. At that time it was the worst time of my life, but today I see it as the best thing that has ever happened to me. I never sought out help for myself, didn't plan on talking with a shrink because I've done a lot of that to cope with my past and to stay out of a court ordered rehabilitation center. Anyhow that lead to opportunities dropping right into my lap because of the situation it put me through. A legal opportunity came about with a business endeavor attachment that I pursued which in return sparked the whole "Personal Develoment" journey. This was the beginning of the changes that started to occur and are still happening for the best in my life and the wonderful people I meet and am currently meeting.
So though I never got the chance to thank my ex for this almost missed opportunity, I can say with all honesty and truth with no hints of bitterness that I am grateful to have met and been with you. Your time with me was an amazing time, regardless of the bad events that happened between us. You've actually kept your end of the bargain in making sure that I was happy, and even though I didn't see it then, I feel it now. And I wish nothing but the best for you, where ever you are. Without you, I wouldn't be who I am today. Absolutely no sarcasm intended here.
Yes, I look behind me every now and then to remember what I went through to have gotten here. And I crack myself up at the major melt downs I had over the break up. That was all me not in the right frame of mind. One in particular that I dragged my brothers into that I wish I could take back, but it's been done, and I realize that I will never want to wish any person ill or drag my brothers into anything that would bring harm on them or anyone else. Lastly I thank God for giving me this wake up call, I've been humbled and I've been served on a golden platter with a serving of an entree that I was not fond of but was good for my soul and my mind.
You get out of life, what you put into it. And there is always a reason for things happening the way they do. What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger, and this is absolutely not cliche but truth. I got served! And this was the beginning of my journey.
No comments:
Post a Comment